F My Life
by Tangerine342
Summary: A very popular website, especially for someone who thinks their life is the worst. One bad word ;P
1. Chapter 1

Recently Tsuna had been introduced to a certain website by his friend in school. Due to grading determining his classes, Tsuna had found himself with none of his famiglia or other familiar faces when he entered high school. He still saw them. All. The. Time. Just never (supposedly) in his classes. Having shed the name No-good-Tsuna for the most part Tsuna had been able to make new friends who had nothing to do with the mafia, and who thankfully, Reborn didn't want in the Mafia. Either way, one of these friends had told him about a few sites that he should visit, and assured him it wasn't porn this time, and even went to the sites to double check.

After several weeks in which Tsuna became addicted to these sites he realised that he should make his own profile, and upload some of his own miserable content. Reborn was none too pleased with this, after finding his student paid more attention to the computer now than he did to his training (beating), and education (more creative beating).

For his first entry Tsuna wrote:

Today I got beaten by a four year old for...well I'm not really sure what his excuse was this time, I think he just enjoys beating me in general...FML.

This was the beginning of the end.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday

Today, I could go on to say the incredibly long list of things that went wrong today, but I think the fact that everyday is a long list of terror is enough reason to be writing here. FML

* * *

Tuesday

Today I told the girl I like my feelings. My stalker for the last...3 years I think? Popped out of nowhere in a terrifying costume, and after scaring away the girl before she could give a proper answer, proceeded to beat me with a rubber knife for "betraying" her, and cried out all other sorts of nonsense before being dragged off by the disciplinary committee. Afterwards the girl I confessed to said she couldn't return the feelings of someone already taken. FML

* * *

Wednesday

Today, I thought I'd make a My Life is Average account; I then realized that I couldn't possibly write anything for it. mliNa. FML

* * *

Thursday

Today, due to certain not so happy circumstances a friend of mine showed up. My tutor's lover was there when it happened. My friend looks identical to her ex-boyfriend. Food was thrown in his direction. I was caught in the cross-fire, and apparently ice-cream can leave third degree burns. FML

* * *

Friday

Today, my tutor's lover decided that she should make up for my getting hurt yesterday and prepared me a "Feast of Love". Her food used as a weapon is dangerous enough; her food of love is lethal. When I tried to decline saying everything was okay my tutor roped me up and they shoved the food down my throat. I think I'm going to die. FML

* * *

Saturday

Today, my friend who looks like a pineapple came over to my house. Being the straightforward person he is, he told me he came to possess my body. My house was trashed for once without the help of the kids that live in my house. My mom wasn't pleased but said it was to be expected from a useless son like me. Thanks mom. I don't look forward to whatever punishment my tutor has for me later. FML

* * *

Sunday

Today, I met the man who will be the end of me in the future. He asked me to marry him claiming love at first sight. It might've had something to do with the package of marshmallows I was bringing home. I think I now know why he hates me in the future now. FML


	3. Chapter 3

**Monday**

So today my dad was home after forever (drunk ass giving alcohol to the kids) and he told me a bit of interesting information. Apparently everything I'm going to inherit against my will is because of a joke between him and The Ninth while they were both drunk enough to think everything was funny and going through important paperwork i.e.) sorting out of the will. FML

**Tuesday**

Today, my...friends you could call them?...sure. Anyway they found out about the incident with my cosplaying friend from last week and were overly upset about it. I thought it was because they were upset with her interfering with my choices and life. Not so much. They were angry and saying strange things along the lines of her not being worthy and that I would surely end up with one of them. Why do I have this bad feeling? FML

**Wednesday**

Today, I found out that not only am I a part of the Gay Alliance Club, or whatever it's called (I had no idea I was even involved until today) I am the president. The club members consist of the group of people who have been following me around since Middle School. I'm straight as far as I'm aware. FML

**Thursday**

Today I finally put two and two together to get fish. My friends being upset about my love confession incident. Being a part of this "exclusive" Gay Alliance Club. All my close friends are guys...I think I'm caught in some kind of love octagon that I want nothing to do with. I swear I'm straight. FML

**Friday**

Today was normal, until about half an hour ago. That creepy guy who proposed to me last week is now trying to serenade me through the window. He can't sing very well, and that's coming from someone who knows failure well enough to have Dame as a nickname. FML

**Saturday**

Today, I realized that this last week is probably the most normal my life has been in years. What does this tell me about next week? FML

**Sunday**

Super cram session from the tutor from Hell, as well as my genius friend trying to help out. Needless to say, lots of things blew up in the mayhem. I think I've lost the majority of my brain cells. Oh well, I suppose it's a good thing my teachers don't expect much from me anyway. FML


	4. Chapter 4

**Monday**

Today, SHE FUCKING SUPPORTS THE ORIENTATION THAT WAS FORCED ON ME! TT^TT -That's me crying away my youth. FML

**Tuesday**

Today, And so it would seem that my little Chinese...sister of sorts still has a problem around someone who at this point I should consider an acquaintance. She had to get a crush on the most deadly person my age, and of course she's even more deadly when she's embarrassed. She ran into her crush today and blew up a good chunk of the street in the process. Who gets the punishment of getting bitten to death? Me. FML

**Wednesday**

Today is my tutor's birthday. This just might be my last chance to say FML.

**Thursday**

Today, I was reminded of my new nickname that very few people use despite its accuracy. Target Practice. What am I target practice for? Bullets, Whips, Tonfas, Dynamite, Knives, swords, tridents, bombs, fists, and as I've mentioned before, bad cooking. Of course the day I'm reminded of this name by being the victim to most...no wait all of these is my birthday right? FML

**Friday**

Today we got a transfer student...I'd rather not talk about it. FML

**Saturday**

Today was supposed to be a relaxing day at the park. Apparently my tutor's definition of "relaxing" is "train the hell out of my pupil by shooting him and throwing other random things at him and encouraging others to do the same." We were at the park though...until myself and three innocent civilians had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

**Sunday**

Today, HAHAHA LAMBO IS THE BEST!! FML

* * *

Hiii...Yah can't really say I'm uber sorry about missing a week, I had exams...technically there's another one tomorrow, but as my new saying goes "I'm fucked up the ass with a metal pole." anyway, so *shrugs* Also, I am lacking ideas. I know for a fact that you guys like me throwing Bya-chan onto Tsu-chan so I'll try to see where I can go with that, but suggestions are VERY appreciated (read: needed) If I don't get anything then you guys are going to find yourself facing lots of Lambo hacking Tsuna's FML account and possibly a giant time skip...like okay I already had a 2 year time skip so...something like a 3 year time skip where he posts his last. I already know what I want the last one to be, but I'm hoping to get a few more than 5 chapters in before I go there. Again ideas are love, I imagine that for the commentor who said something about their cat that its screams are not XD (Made my day btw) Ta ta for now

~Tangerine


	5. Chapter 5

**Monday**

Today, I learned something new. Just goes to show how well I know my friends. It seems my one friend has been living under my bed for the last several years. He's a member of my exclusive gay club. FML

**Tuesday**

Today, I found out bunji jumping from a skyscraper is best done with a bunji cord...and when not being shoved off. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the person meant to be tutoring me actually had me on his hit list. FML

**Wednesday**

Today, I failed another test. My tutor's giving me the silent treatment. This can't end well. FML

**Thursday**

Today, I got my punishment for failing the test yesterday. Turns out "Oh my!" is a broad understatement for the punishment of lions, tigers, and bears. In a forest. Dangling upside down from a tree. That's how I woke up. FML

**Friday**

Today, I found out it's possible to fail volunteer class, even when you do the hours. The daycare was none too pleased with how I treated my little cow printed sibling even though he was trying to blow things up. What's the appropriate response to that kind of behaviour? Apparently a time out will suffice. Either way, I've found a new way to fail. FML

**Saturday**

Today, I don't know where I am. There's ku fu fus all around me though, so I'm more than a little worried. FML

**Sunday**

Today, I was rescued. By my white haired creeper stalker. It seems he's a hardcore fairy tale addict, and his rescuing me deems me as his princess. Why do I have a feeling the Prince I know won't be pleased that I'm someone else's princess? FML

* * *

**Yeah, so more than half of these aren't actually mine. They belong to the glorious kaitlin177 and Saia Kittyfish. As I said before, all ideas and suggestions are very welcome. Even if it's just something you want to see more of like Bya-chan, Muku-chan, Hiba-chan, or whomever. Or if there's something I'm missing out on, tell me "Oi! Bitch! Add this to your fail hard story!" My response should I not be too lazy would be something like "You know what asshole?! I will!" I am special. In the head. Happy New Year everyone!**

**~Tangerine**


	6. Chapter 6

**Monday**

Today, instead of waking to an annoying alarm clock, or some screaming children, the entire neighbourhood was subjected yet again to the torture of a certain bad singer's attempts at serenading me. At five in the morning. He thought it would be nice to pick up his "true love" on his way to school. Of all the schools, why do all the nutcases go to mine? FML

**Tuesday**

Today, I found out that if someone has attached themselves to you and won't let go, no matter how much you dislike it, and say it's not your fault, you can be punished for PDA. Good to know Hibari-san. Thanks a lot Byakuran. FML

**Wednesday**

Today, as I thought, apparently I've been claimed as a princess by more than one crack head. The "Prince" was none too pleased to learn someone else was calling me princess (a name I am none too fond of) and decided it would be fun to slice me in order to guarantee I was his. Dynamite, and sword wielding best friends, plus a guy who doesn't appreciate damage to the school, or crowding. I might as well go back to the days where I was beaten up for lunch money. At least that made sense. FML

**Thursday**

Today, the Kokuyo gang beat me up and stole my lunch money. FML

**Friday**

Today, Mukuro, the leader of the Kokuyo gang decided to make up for his subordinates' rude behaviour by kissing me, right in the middle of the court yard where everyone was watching after school. FML

**Saturday**

Today, I found EXTREME salvation from the Gay Alliance by joining the Boxing Club. I was quickly reminded that I'm about as athletic as my self-proclaimed older brother's pet turtle. Speaking of which, he got drenched in water after I was beaten to a pulp, and I was still expected to take care of it. FML

**Sunday**

Today, my crazed cosplaying stalker thought it would be a grand idea to play Happy Home with the kids. Of course this meant there had to be a wedding, and since we're the oldest it was us. It would have been THAT bad if it hadn't been a zombie bride and monster wedding. It would have been even better if I had been the monster. FML


	7. Chapter 7

Some parts of this week's episode are inspired by spoiler's for the manga...I'm not giving too much away, just making Byakuran into more of the creepy creeper that he is.

**Monday**

Today, well so much for salvation through physical torture. The Gay alliance just decided via their most violent members that they'll have their "meetings" at the exact same time and place as the Boxing Team practices. I really should have found a sport that didn't involve me being half naked and sweating...FML

**Tuesday**

Today, I got sick and got to stay home and relax. It was wonderful until I had the sudden urge to look through my middle school memories book. It wasn't until now that I realised that there are little pieces of white hair or other certain indications of a poorly singing stalker I have, in EVERY photo. FML

**Wednesday**

Today, I woke up to find several gray hairs on my head. I'm not even done high school. If this doesn't tell of how much stress I put up with I don't know what does. FML

**Thursday**

Today, news of my "wedding" last weekend got out. Apparently the only way I'll be forgiven/ not bitten to death/ allowed to live is if I have more weddings with people who also desire my play date hand in marriage. I dread to imagine how many times I'm going to be a blushing bride again. FML

**Friday**

Today, I was reminded that Valentine's is coming up soon. I don't have a date, and I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing . I have this terrible feeling that it's a bad thing for all the wrong reasons. FML

**Saturday**

Today, my monster husband left me some chocolates since she'll be gone on Valentine 's Day. It turns out there's this new shop that she got them from. It's run by my tutor's lover. I REALLY wish I'd known that before eating them. FML


	8. Chapter 8

**Monday:**

Today, or 3 months ago I found out that while computers can withstand dynamite, baseballs, swords, tonfas, extreme boxing, grenades, kicks, food spills and tridents (computer has been accordingly named Fran) it goes kaput the moment you give it a virus from a cartoon site my cow clad brother thing visits. FML

**Tuesday:**

Today, my new computer was broken in by the family. It's not nearly as indestructable as Fran. We found this out on the boxing round. FML

**Wednesday:**

Today, was a certain pineapple's birthday (bear with me) and he demanded I take him out for fun. I didn't know Russian Roulette at a dance club with people dressed in ridiculous costumes constituted as "fun". Yeah I'm pretty sure something was slipped in my drink. FML

**Thursday:**

Today, I found out that my new friend and his group of friends are actually complete douches. FML

**Friday:**

Today, my cousin I guess you could call him, and my marshmellow loving stalker met. I don't even WANT to know how they could make the entire house smell like burnt smores. FML

**Saturday:**

Today, I found out there's a very explicit tatoo of a pineapple on a tuna on my hip. Even worse is that this was found by a certain someone who hates pineapple while he was trying to take me. FML

**Sunday:**

Today, my friend terrified children at the park in the world's weirdest costume, my self declared right hand man tried to blow her up claiming she was disturbing my date (why he was there I still don't know). Said date was knocked out and over by a baseball, and dumped me on the spot the moment she regained consciousness. This is my idea of a normal day. FML

* * *

Reviews of awesome ideas equal more love~

~Tangerine


	9. Chapter 9

**Monday:**

Today, I found out Chrome is pregnant. No you don't know who Chrome is, but I'm apparently the father...I would just like to note that the closest thing to sexual contact we've had was when her alternate personality raped me, and judging by my pain the next morning I should be the pregnant one not her/him. FML

**Tuesday:**

Today, my tutor told me I have to marry Chrome. Between my monster husband, the general male population that surrounds me daily, and the fact that I'm under age, I have to wonder which is likely to have me killed more painfully. To marry or not to marry that is the question. FML

**Wednesday:**

Today, I found an eviction notice under my bed for my friend who had been living under there for who knows how long. It also mentioned that he was being evicted so that the landlord of the space could occupy it. I was unaware that a certain pineapple possessed the underside of my bed. FML

**Thursday:**

Today, was normal for a short period. My family and I went out for ice cream with EVERYONE. From past experience I knew not to get vanilla. Coconut icecream is now off limits for the same reason. FML

**Friday:**

Today, I was relieved to find out that my stalker and cousin are no longer interested in me, they now have eachother for fun. That is until I found out that was part of the reason for the smore smell last week. STILL trying to figure out how the poor marshmellows got involved. FML

**Saturday:**

Today, the date for my shot gun (literally) wedding was announced. FML

**Sunday:**

Today, Bianchi volunteered to cater the wedding. Great, well at last now I won't need to worry about living through the honey moon. FML

* * *

Sachiel Angelo, you win so many heart points it's not even funny. I loved loved LOVED your reviews XD Best questions ever that gave most of the inspiration for this chapter. Keep being awesome.

Ed-nunez, I would have used your ideas, but between a lack of sleep, getting locked out of the house this week and general forgetfulness it got left out TT^TT Sorry. HOWEVER just for you since you made me laugh I hereby decree the THE ALLIANCE HAS COATS AND BADGES!

And Yoru-chan, I also had yours saved for ideas, but I dislike Collon-chan, so we're going with the confusion of a pregnant Chrome-chan. Maybe Collon-chan can be the one holding a gun to his back at the wedding :3

Here's to being happy and hoping the next chapters are filled with awesome (manga not this crack) Till then

~Tangerine


	10. Chapter 10

**Monday:**

Today, my dad came home for the week...he encouraged my mom to join him in his drinking...FML

**Tuesday:**

Today, I came home to a Hello Kitty themed bedroom. Good to know my mom's still a housewife when drunk. FML

**Wednesday:**

Today, there was a water main break in the area. I still don't know how a bullet to the brain could give me the idea that I could "STOP THE WATER FROM DESTROYING THE AREA WITH MY DYING WILL!" FML

**Thursday:**

Today, my home tutor burned all my manga to make room for study books. This wouldn't be as bad if they weren't all in foreign languages. Either way it's pretty bad. FML

**Friday:**

Today, my up until recently stalker claimed to be pregnant and that I was the father. I shouted at him the it wasn't possible, and most certainly not my problem. He's trying to convince my tutor to set up a shot gun wedding for us. I think it's working "for the family." FML

**Saturday:**

Today, I found out that every part of my life is broadcast across the internet, and that I'm set up with just about everyone I know except the girl I like. I now shudder at the term "fangirl." FML

**Sunday:**

Today, I became the Vongola Tenth. You don't know what that is and you don't want to, just trust me when I say this is the ultimate and final FML. FML

_As it would turn out, days later Tsunayoshi Sawada's account was frozen days later for being too "fucked". FML_

_Tsunayoshi and Chrome got married (with Collonello and Reborn both aiming guns at his back), and Mukuro had to be convinced that just because he was Chrome's alter ego, he did not have any claim on Tsunayoshi as his. By convinced, I mean shot at to leave the church. The priest in charge was none too pleased. FML_

_The Gay Alliance Club (aka. Tsunayoshi/Sawada/Tenth/-Insert whatever you refer to the uke as here- Club) was disbanded once everyone left for Italy or graduated. All coats and badges were handed to the Vongola boss and president who had no idea what to do with them. FML_

_Byakuran was not granted the right to marry Tsunayoshi Sawada, and in a fit of rage swore to eliminate him and the entirety of Vongola in the future. FML_

_The FML entry about the guy who was dumped for not being more like Edward from Twilight still beat all of Tsunayoshi Sawada's entries. FML_

_This story is finally over. FML_

* * *

Oh wait, that last one's a good thing :3 *shot*

Half of the things here don't belong to me...no wait...more like 90% I'd say. I'm not gonna bother specifying since it's all fairly obvious.

Thank you to anyone who suggested something.

Thank you to anyone who had a more educated review than "LOL"

To those of you who have read any or all of this I suppose I should thank you...I also suppose you would do well in a nut house, but look who's talking :D

I think that's everything...

Ummmmm, probably that despite married status Tsunayoshi is still frequently the victim of rape by all the lovely males of his life.

And that you should watch this because my twin has more spare time (not true) and talent (very very VERY true) that I do :3

http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=r2QyYrPOtY8&playnext_from=TL&videos=beG6WcYBisE&shuffle=1994&playnext=16 (obviously put a period where it says dot)

Other than that, if this insanity inspires anything, go for it! Just no stealing the ice cream bit because I'm in the middle of writing that fanfic as we speak. Link me if you do, I'd love to read it! Till then

~Tangerine


	11. Chapter 11

Due to no one understanding even though it comes up in most fanfiction when there is a need to explain how the two are related, I have decided to explain here quite frankly who the "cousin" is...

Xanxus

Even though if we wanted a proper look at things...

No I think in some long distant relationship, adoptions included (would that have been hilarious if someone had adopted a child somewhere along the way in Tsuna's side of the Vongola bloodline? XD) the two of them are more of less cousins.

Several removals and other such of course.

As well if we wanted to take into account that Xanxus is years older, and between Xanxus (at some point) calling Timoteo dad, and Tsuna calling him Grandpa (woo big spoiler for the new arc), he could be considered an Uncle.

Do I make any sense in this explanation?

No?

Am I writing this at 1 am because I took a nap earlier and can't sleep now?

Yes.

FML

~Tangerine


End file.
